Hair Loss, Steroids and all those lovely things

So this week has been a blur. I started a new Chemo regime last Monday and it is a completely different kettle of fish. I feel like I've lost a few days and I'm blaming steroids on that! Today is the first day I feel pretty normal and I actually feel like skipping around with happiness due to the fact I don't feel like I'm dreaming and walking around bumping into walls!

Anyway, rant over, I wanted to do a post about the side effects I have had from Chemo so far. Obviously, I have only had one infusion of the demon Chemo so far so I will probably do another post later just on the lovely experience that is AC chemo.

Steroids

I have had a very hate-hate relationship with steroids since starting Chemo in October. I know that they're given for a multitude of reasons but I just don't like them. When first starting TC chemo, I had to take steroids before treatments for the first two weeks to prevent an allergic reaction. Once, it was clear I didn't have an allergy to Taxol, these steroids stopped. I still had a steroid infusion before each treatment and oral steroids for two days afterwards. I did try to mess around with my steroids post chemo (after checking it was okay with my oncologist) and was able to reduce them down, which was great but when I tried to lower them too much, I ended up in A and E!

So steroids obviously have their advantages, they help with nausea, allergic reactions and I'm sure lots of other things which I haven't informed myself of because as I've said a few times already, I hate them! The disadvantage for me of steroids starts with the ridiculous hunger that they cause you to have. When you start Chemo, they tell you to try to maintain your weight which seems reasonable and then they put you on these tablets that make you hungrier than you ever thought possible. Its the type of hunger that can't be ignored either, as you start to feel weak and faint and crave crappy, unhealthy foods. I have been trying my best to eat as healthy as possible and have cut down on eating meat hugely but I am eating more than I was before treatment started and I will definitely have some weight to lose once I finish treatment! Steroids can also cause you to retain water, so they can make you feel very bloated. The combination of the water retention and the gaining weight can give you a bit of a puffy face which I like to call moon face.

The other thing about steroids which I find very frustrating is the false energy they give you before an almighty crash! Once the steroids stop, the energy stops and my brain feels foggy, which can take a few days to recover from. This come down also plays with my emotions in a big way, one minute I'm laughing and one minute I'm crying. I'm very lucky I have a very understanding boyfriend!


Hair Loss

I think for me, hair loss was one of the scariest side effects that I knew I had coming. When I was first diagnosed and my colleague came over to wait with me while my parents made their way to the hospital, I kept talking about losing my hair. I had just been diagnosed with cancer, but my concern was about losing my hair?! Seems a bit ridiculous, but its the same for many people when they're diagnosed and throughout treatment. When I was diagnosed, I didn't feel particularly sick. I suffer from an Auto-Immune Thyroid problem which has rendered me tired for years now so I hadn't noticed any difference in my normal level of feeling a bit worn out! But thinking of myself with no hair scared me and I knew when that happened I'd have to look myself in the mirror and deal with the fact I was sick.

Hair Loss started for me about 1 month into my TC treatment. I didn't have any pain or irritation or anything unusual associated with it, which many people complain about, it just simply started falling out. In the beginning, it was pretty gradual but it got to a point where I dreaded having a shower because when I brushed my hair afterwards, clumps of hair filled my hairbrush. I also found hair everywhere, my clothes were covered in hair, my bed was covered in hair, even my car was covered in hair! I woke up one morning, washed my hair and when I saw the amount of hair in my hairbrush I rang the hairdresser and told her I wanted my head shaved today and she had me booked in for 10 minutes time! I picked my favourite hat out and drove myself and my mum down to the salon.

Having my head shaved was a strange experience. I had it done in Pink Ribbon, which is where I bought my wig as its so close to my house. They have a separate room available for this purpose and the girls there are so lovely, it just felt like the right place to do it. When shaving my head, the hairdresser faced me away from the mirror, facing my mum, so I actually didn't see my hair being shaved off. I think that this was the most brilliant idea and I think it saved me al ot of upset. I sat across from my mum and watched her cry and obviously cried a little bit myself too. I think the experience was harder for my mum because she could see it happening and she said it was like I was turning back into a baby! Apparently, when I was a baby it took ages for my hair to grow in the first place so all those years of hard work were ruined in a few minutes! When the hairdresser had finished shaving my head, she put my hat on and told me to look when I was ready, which I also thought was a great idea, as it gave me some time to process what had just happened.

My biggest fear that day was seeing my boyfriend when he came home from work. He had gone to work and I had hair and he was coming home from work and I was extremely bald! I did warn him, I didn't want him to come home and have a heart attack when he had seen what I'd done. I didn't let him see me for a while without a hat on but fairly quickly we both got used to it and we have the giggles now about the tiny little baby hairs that have been growing back on my hair while on TC!

I did think to myself when I started this blog that absolutely under no circumstances would I put up a bald picture of myself for the world to see. I have made a compromise here and have three pictures to show you (all under Snap chat filter of course!)

This is my wig, which I bought in Pink Ribbon. The wig is beautiful and definitely nicer than my original hair was. It's a synthetic wig, so its really low maintenance but the only thing is it can't be styled so it always looks the same. I don't wear this all that often because I find it quite warm but when I do it makes me feel pretty normal!

Excuse my stupid face in this one! This is my fringe which I got in Roche's Wigs. This is my favourite hair/head piece that I've come across and only costs 30e! It sticks to your hat with a piece of Velcro and just gets rid of that super bald look. Unfortunately, due to the fact I have a gazillion hats, I have actually managed to lose this fringe somewhere but I do plan on buying another one very soon!

Now, this is the picture I said I wouldn't post but I made a compromise and and gave myself some ears and a nose staying in theme with the other pictures! I do have a very small amount of hair at the moment which is likely to fall out on the new chemo regime I am on. I also haven't lost my eyelashes or eyebrows yet but I think they'll also be gone in the next few weeks, so I'll enjoy them while I still have them! Also, remember when I mentioned Moon Face above? Example A above!

Hair/Scalp Care;

I read alot before losing my hair about what to expect and found alot of people complaining of dry and irritated scalps. I have been really lucky again with this as I have had no irritation on my scalp at all. I just wash and condition it the same way I always did and that has worked well for me. I do rock the bald head pretty much all the time while I am in the house, I don't really wear hats unless I am cold or am going out and I think that has probably stopped any irritation as it allows your head to breathe. I tend to run extremely warm at the moment, due to all the drugs and such and for that reason a hat isn't necessary indoors.

Other Side Effects;

As I said before, I pretty much sailed through TC so I don't have a huge amount of knowledge to share regarding other side effects, but what I do have I will share;

Nausea; I had virtually no nausea on TC but any nausea I did have was sorted out using anti nausea tablets. One thing I did find important to keep nausea at bay was to eat regularly and not allow myself to get too hungry. I found that if I allowed myself to get really hungry then I was much more likely to feel sick.

Fatigue; I did have days where I tired much more easily than other days but I was surprised at how much I could do while on TC. I tried my best to do one thing everyday, mainly to keep my head happy and I rested when I needed to.

Neuropathy; I ended up with a tiny bit of neuropathy in my fingertips from TC. It didn't happen until my 11th infusion and was minimal. I already feel like it is improving and doesn't cause me much bother.

Nose Issues; I have always had a very allergic nose so when I heard chemo could cause problems with your nose I knew I would definitely have this side effect. I tended to have alot of nose bleeds and blocked sinuses. I was prescribed a spray called Nasonex for the sinus issues which cleared that issue up. As for the nose bleeds, they were happening because my nasal passages were dry so the solution I was given was to put Vaseline up my nose. It's not a pleasant experience I won't lie but it helped alot with the nose bleeds so needs must!

That's all the side effects that I experienced with TC. I know AC is definitely going to be different, I can see that already after just one infusion! I have to say it feels like I have been having chemo for at least half my life at this point but this day 7 weeks (all going well) I will be able to say that I am finished chemo and I'll be a step closer to getting back to some kind of normality.

TC Chemotherapy

My first regime of Chemotherapy included 12 weekly infusions of Taxol and Carboplatin (TC). Chemotherapy is a treatment which involves the use of a combination of medications which attacks rapidly growing cells such as cancer cells but also any healthy cells which have a tendency to grow rapidly. Taxol is a drug which prevents cancer cells from dividing and multiplying. Carboplatin is a drug which damages the DNA inside cancer cells thus preventing them from multiplying.

Considerations before starting Chemo

Before starting Chemo there are a few things that I needed to do and I needed to consider doing. Firstly, I was told to have a dental check up, as it is not recommended to have dental work done during treatment. I attended the dentist to ensure my oral health was good and was also prescribed a strong toothpaste to use during Chemo called Duraphat. I have heard of many people having dental issues after Chemo has finished and therefore wanted to ensure I used the best products on my teeth while having treatment.


I was offered the choice of 'cold-capping' during Chemo to try and save some of my hair from falling out which I decided against. Cold-capping works by basically wearing a cap during treatment which prevents the chemotherapy drug from reaching the scalp and therefore prevents some of the hair from falling out. The thing about cold-capping that made me sceptical was that you can lose up to 60% of you hair even using the cap. My hair was very fine before starting any treatment and if I lost 60% of it, it would have looked pretty horrendous. I also didn't like the idea of using a cold-cap because the thought of preventing the Chemotherapy drug from reaching any area of my body scared me. Although no cancerous cells were found in my lymph nodes, there is still a chance that cells can travel through your body in the blood stream. With that knowledge, I wanted to make sure every single part of my body from my head to my toes was treated just in case!
The last reason I decided against cold-capping was because it extends treatment by a few hours. The cap must be worn before and after the treatment for a period of time to prevent the drugs from reaching the scalp. When having weekly treatments, this just seemed like a hindrance to save possibly 40% of my very thin hair!

Another consideration I needed to make was whether or not I wanted to have a Port or Picc-line inserted for use during chemotherapy. These are devices which are inserted into either your chest or arm and left there for the duration of Chemotherapy and sometimes for a time after. Having one of these devices means that every time you need bloods taken or are having an infusion that you wont need to have a line inserted. I decided against this as I felt that having a device such as this could higher the likelihood of me getting an infection. I also didn't like the idea of having something

permanently there, just in case I pulled at it or hurt myself somehow! Making this decision meant that every time I had an infusion I had to have an IV line inserted and every time I needed blood taken I had to have a needle inserted, which was an easy enough procedure in the beginning of treatment, but as time went on and my veins felt more assaulted by needles and chemo drugs it became more difficult and often took multiple attempts to get a suitable vein!


Chemotherapy Infusions

Before having chemo each week I had to have bloods taken which monitored; liver and kidney function, inflammatory markers, magnesium levels and full blood counts including; red and white blood cell levels. I tried to have my bloods taken the day before each infusion to try speed up my infusion the following day. There is an option to have bloods taken on the day of Chemo but it delays your treatment for up to 2 hours and I'm too impatient for that! I was lucky that for each of my 12 infusions of TC my blood levels were within normal range and I could therefore receive each infusion. If bloods are not within the normal range the infusion is not given and you have to wait until your bloods come back to a normal level which can delay your overall treatment time.

The Chemotherapy infusion suite itself is quite nice as far as hospitals go. They are equipped with those comfy chairs you see in films etc! The nurses go through a checklist before each infusion to check on the side effects you have been having since your last treatment, this will also determine whether or not your infusion will go ahead. The nurses tried to make me as comfortable as possible during treatments with pillows and blankets.

I had to have an IV line inserted each time I had Chemo. I was told initially that when having blood taken or having a line inserted I should only have it done on the side of the unaffected breast. After I had had a few infusions, I was told by a nurse that I could use both arms as I had not had surgery, so she proceeded to use the affected side. I found that during the 12 weeks, some nurses were happy to use the affected side and some were not. The nurses who weren't felt that there was a possibility I could develop Lymphedema after surgery if I kept using the affected side. I found this very confusing and clarified with my Oncologist, who said it was fine to use both sides! Initially it was very easy for the nurses to insert the IV but as time went on it could take up to three times before they managed to get a line in! Before each infusion I was given four different pre-medications to try and help with side effects. These included a steroid, anti nausea, anti histamine and a medication to line your stomach to help with nausea. The anti-histamine was a high dose of Piriton which tended to make me very sleepy.

Once the pre-meds were finished, it was time to start the chemo drugs. I always had Taxol infused first. Initially it took about two hours for the Taxol to infuse. Taxol is not given through a pump as it can be very irritating to the vein. As time went on, they were able to speed the Taxol infusion up and it would take about an hour. I found the Taxol to be quite painful when going into the vein and found using a heat pack on my arm relieved the pain a lot. Once the Taxol infusion was finished, they would start the Carboplatin. Carboplatin was given through a pump and generally took about an hour to infuse. The most amazing part of TC chemo is that after only 1 infusion I could feel a decrease in the size of my tumour. After about 6-7 infusions, the tumour could no longer be felt at all by hand. I can't say the tumour is completely gone until I have scans done but if it is still there it has decreased from a big 8cm lump sticking out of my skin, to something that can't even be felt at all! Yayyyyy!

During Chemo I generally tried to sleep. That generally didn't pan out as I am the lightest sleeper of all time! Failing that I would listen to music or read. There are TVs present in the infusion suite but I didn't bother with that. Since I am having treatment in the hospital I work in, I tend to have a lot of visitors. You are allowed one visitor at a time, on the day of my first infusion, there was a period of time that I had about 7 people standing around me! I was getting some serious dirty looks!

Once the drugs had infused, the nurse would remove the IV line and let me go home. My dad would come and drive me home after each infusion as I definitely wasn't 100% with it and I wouldn't have trusted myself driving!

I am going to do a full post on side effects, steroids and hair loss with TC. I don't want to make each post into a novel! But I have to say I have been extremely lucky with TC and have been very well mostly. My next course of treatment starts tomorrow, which is AC chemo. I have to say I am quite nervous about this as its a harsher course of drugs. The A of AC is a red drug called Adriamycin and it is known as the 'Red Devil' which is a little bit disconcerting! But the positive side of this is I have only 2 months and 4 infusions left until I can say I survived Chemo!

My Understanding of Triple Negative Breast Cancer

I just wanted to do a short post about Triple Negative and what my understanding is of it thus far. When I was diagnosed and I was told I had Triple Negative BC, I thought...that doesn't sound too bad, its negative for three different things, that must be a good thing right?

There are many different types of BC but as far as I can understand, their growth is generally driven by one of three different things; Estrogen, Progesterone and Her2. This means that the tumour has receptors present on it and its growth is being driven by one of these three hormones/protein. In the case of Triple Negative, there are no receptors present on the tumour, therefore the factor causing the tumour growth is unknown.

Triple Negative BC is rare and accounts for only 10-20% of BC. It generally affects young women, African-American women and women with a genetic mutation. One of the things the Breast Care Nurse warned me not to do (and of course I did it!) was to google information surrounding Triple Negative. Triple Negative gets a very bad rep if you google it, with words such as 'most aggressive form of Breast Cancer." But for me, knowing everything I could know about it was more important than trying to save myself from reading these scary statements.

So what makes Triple Negative Breast Cancer so 'scary'? 

Triple Negative is I guess less predictable than hormone/protein receptor BC as the growth factor fueling the tumour growth is unknown. It tends to be a very fast growing cancer and recurrence rates are higher for Triple Negative than they are for Hormone/Protein Positive BC. The five year survival rate for Hormone/Protein Positive BC is 93%, whereas for Triple Negative, it is 77%. The other worrying aspect of Triple Negative is that it currently has no targeted therapies available for treatment. Many Hormone/Protein Positive BC patients have another form of treatment available to them; Hormonal Therapy such as Tamoxifen and Herceptin. Hormonal Therapy can almost be like a safeguard to protect patients from recurrence as in some cases it can be taken up to 10 years after other treatments have ceased and it will in most cases inhibit any further Hormone/Protein Positive tumours from growing.

The most effective treatment available for Triple Negative is Chemotherapy. Chemotherapy may be the first part of treatment followed by surgery and radiation; Neoadjuvant treatment. Or treatment may consist of Surgery followed by Chemotherapy and Radiation; Adjuvant treatment. My treatment plan was Neoadjuvant, due to the large size of the tumour and the hope that Chemotherapy would shrink the tumour before surgery.

How do I feel about being Triple Negative?

• When I was initially diagnosed, I was terrified by the information I found online about Triple Negative BC, now not so much.
• I think all cancers are scary, nevermind the technicalities of the type of cancer but I wanted to be informed as much as possible about my own illness and I did that, I read and read and read until I had an understanding.
• I see myself as somewhat lucky that I don't have a hormone positive BC, as if I had I wouldn't have been able to attempt fertility treatments and the hormonal therapies I would have had to take after treatment may have affected my ability to have children even further.
• Somedays I am scared about recurrence rates, but mostly I don't think about it too much. Why? Because I could step out infront of a bus tomorrow and it'd all be irrelevant!

I'm currently waiting on the results of a genetic screening which I had done a few months ago. The genetic screening is just a blood test, which is sent to the UK to be analysed and takes 5 months to come back! The result of this test will be very important in determining the type of surgery I have done so I'm hoping the results come back in time! 

The results of this screening will answer some questions for me but regardless of this I refuse to spend my time scared because I have an 'aggressive' form of cancer which has a 23% chance of recurring over the next 5 years. All you can do is hope you will be one of the lucky 77%.

Fertility Whirlwind

When a couple/individual decides to go for fertility treatments without a cancer diagnosis in tow they may have to undergo a number of rounds of treatments before they produce enough viable eggs/embryos for freezing or implantation. For me, I had 2-3 weeks before I had to start Chemotherapy, therefore I had one chance at this and that was it!

After meeting with my oncologist, I was referred on to a fertility clinic and within a few days myself and my boyfriend had our first appointment. I have to say at this point, my poor boyfriend! In the past two weeks not only had his girlfriend been diagnosed with cancer but suddenly he was attending fertility appointments. We both knew we wanted to have children and wanted to do everything to make sure that in the future we would be able to and although many of my friends have children already, I think we both still see ourselves as much younger than we actually are! So this all seemed a tad odd to us, to say the least but he was incredible, present and willing throughout the entire process.

First impressions, especially when it comes to something as important as this are vital and our first impression with our fertility doctor was a bit unfortunate! We sat down in front of her and after introducing herself, her first words to us were "so how long have you been trying for a baby?" It didn't instill much faith in me that the doctor who would be looking after us clearly hadn't looked at the referral letter sent to her by the oncologist and I just replied with "we're not trying for a baby, I have cancer." There was no apology for this, just an "okay, I'm just trying to gather information." This ended up being the first incident of many throughout the treatment where the communication was incredibly poor and just made the whole thing confusing and more difficult than it had to be. My intention in this blog is not to moan and complain, I know I was lucky I even had the opportunity to try fertility treatments before starting chemo but without naming any names I will give an honest account of my experiences!

The doctor went through our medical histories and after some tests we were deemed suitable to go ahead with attempting to create embryos for freezing. Before treatment started we had to attend a counselling session, just to talk through our feelings about the process and to voice any questions or worries we had. Two days later, I had to come back to the clinic with a giant bag of medication, to be shown how to administer it to myself. I was started on a tablet called Letrozole which is used to treat hormone positive breast cancers, triple negative is hormone negative therefore there was no need for this medication, as my oncologist would later tell me. I was then to start on an injection called Gonal F to stimulate follicles to develop and mature. This is where it started to get confusing again! The doctor told me to start Gonal F that evening, the nurse told me to start Gonal F in 2 days time. I didn't realise until I got home that I had been given contradicting information! I tried to ring the clinic many many times and couldn't get through to anybody, I rang the hospital itself and nobody could give me an answer. I stressed for hours and eventually took the injection because I was scared that if I didn't I would mess up the entire cycle. The next day I rang the clinic and was told by a nurse I shouldn't have taken it and that in the nurses words "the doctor wasn't used to giving instructions!" The nurse was very helpful though, she reassured me that I hadn't messed anything up by taking the injection early and told me to just follow the instructions the nurse had given me (not the doctor!).

I continued on with the Gonal F and had frequent appointments in the clinic to make sure everything was progressing as it should be. My experience with the fertility medications was good. I didn't have any hormonal issues which caused me to act any differently. I also had no problem injecting myself, its a tiny needle into the stomach which stings the smallest bit but then again I am not squeamish so maybe I'm not the best judge of the experience! I was on the Gonal F for about a week and a half before they were happy with the progression and gave me instructions on how to manage my medication for the next few days, before coming in for the egg retrieval. This was the first time I had been given written instructions and I was delighted because I knew I couldn't mess it up if the information was right in front of me.

On Sunday, myself and my boyfriend went in to the clinic for the procedure. The two weeks had been pretty pain free up until this point. My abdomen was very tender and I was walking funny, the nurses reassured me this was good though as it meant I had lots of follicles. When they checked that morning I had about 16 follicles. I was brought in to a small procedure room to have the procedure done. The procedure was explained to me and I was sedated, therefore I felt nothing and wasn't aware of what was happening. The procedure is very quick and only takes about 10 minutes or so.

Afterwards, I was as high as a kite chatting with the nurses. I was even Snap Chatting my girlfriends from the recovery room - see below! They had managed to retrieve 9 eggs and I kept asking them where my other 7 eggs had gone! They explained to me that under ultrasound it may appear you have more follicles than you do, that some follicles will have no egg present when they attempt to retrieve them. I was a bit disappointed with this as I felt 9 seemed like a small number but I was also happy that they managed to retrieve anything when I had been on the medications such a short period of time. I was sent home fairly quickly afterwards, even though I was in quite a bit of pain. The drive home was horrible, every bump in the road and I would wince with pain. For the rest of the day I just stayed in bed but as the day went on I had pain literally from my toes to my shoulders. I didn't have a clue if it was normal as again no information had been given to me about it! Dr. Google was my reassurance that this pain was normal and people often felt it after egg retrieval due to the ovaries being pierced. The pain remained with me for a good few days afterwards and I was waddling around the place also!

Now the fertility side of things was over, it was time to meet the Oncology nurse to prepare to start Chemo. I was to hear from the fertility clinic on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday of that week with an update on the progression of the embryos. On Tuesday, I had 5/9 embryos which had made it to the next stage, unfortunately 4 were not strong enough. On Tuesday I also had my first meeting with the Oncology nurse. The nurse was lovely, she explained everything to me in detail and gave me information to bring home with me. My plan all along had been that once I finished fertility treatment, I would have an implant called Zoladex inserted, which would shut down and protect my ovaries during chemo. The nurse mentioned to me that Tuesday, for the first time, that when the implant was inserted, it should be given a week before starting chemo. I was meant to start chemo on Friday...it was Tuesday...what? She then proceeded to say "you have 5 embryos, is the implant really necessary?" I generally am a pretty calm, composed person but when she said that to me something just snapped. Firstly, nobody had given me this very important information to allow me to make an informed decision in the first place, secondly, I had 5 embryos now but that didn't mean that they'd make it to freezing stage and thirdly, I am 29, going into menopause at 29 because I wasn't given the correct information AGAIN was not an option for me.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the HIQA guidelines state a person should start treatment within 4 weeks of diagnosis. If I started that Friday it would be 5 weeks. If I gave Zoladex a week before starting it would be 6 weeks. Waiting another week just was not an option for me so I decided to have the implant inserted on Tuesday and start chemo on Friday and hope for the best.

On Thursday, I got a call to say 3/9 embryos had progressed to the next stage. On Friday, I had my first chemo. On Saturday morning, feeling a little worse for wear after my first chemo treatment, I got a call from the clinic to say that unfortunately none of the embryos progressed far enough to be frozen. Obviously, it was a hard thing to hear, I was very upset and was heartbroken telling my boyfriend but I had no choice but to move forward and hope that the Zoladex implant would be enough to save my fertility.

Throughout my journey so far, I have noticed a huge lack of communication between health care professionals and with me about really important things. If all the information had been given to me the very first day I met my oncologist, I may have made a different decision. I'm glad that I had fertility treatments, even if they weren't successful because now I know I did everything I could to save my fertility. Fingers crossed it was enough!

Post-Diagnosis Pre-Treatment Limbo

When diagnosed with cancer, there is an expectation that everything is going to move very fast and in my head I presumed I would be starting treatment within a week or so. At the moment the HIQA guidelines for commencing treatment post diagnosis is four weeks and this seems to be the norm whether in the public or private hospital.

When I was diagnosed, the news was given to me by a Breast Surgeon. Due to the type of cancer I have my treatment would begin with Chemotherapy - neoadjuvant treatment. The reason for this, in my case, was due to the size of the tumour and the hope that having Chemotherapy first would shrink the tumour and make surgery less invasive. Therefore, I was immediately referred on to an Oncologist and I had an appointment for my first meeting with my Oncologist about 1.5 weeks after diagnosis.

The time just after diagnosis was a strange time for me, one moment I would be fine and another moment I'd break down into tears. Having to break the news to people was also extremely difficult as many people didn't even know I had a lump in the first place and suddenly now I had cancer! There was a lot of whispering in other rooms going on and quiet phone calls. One of the things I was shocked by was how quickly the news actually spread, especially around work and then the support which came from this, which was quite overwhelming. I didn't feel sick but I was receiving messages, cards and mass cards from people concerned about me and wishing me well with this journey. Obviously, I'm not complaining about this but it started to put things in perspective for me and it showed me the incredible amount of support I had from the people in my life.

My first meeting with my Oncologist was a big eye opener. For the previous week and a half I had been under the illusion that I would most likely have 8 sessions of Chemo over a 4 month period. When I met her she drew an outline of my treatment for me which included 16 Chemo sessions - 12 weekly session of TC  and 4 forth-nightly sessions of AC. She then went on to list the side effects I was most likely to expect; nausea, weight changes, neuropathy, infection, hair loss and issues with fertility. I'm sure she mentioned more but these were the ones that stuck with me.

Issues with fertility was my biggest concern and I knew that there was an option for oncology patients to have fertility treatments before starting Chemo. I asked the oncologist about this and she basically said she would have preferred if I had finished having children and could start Chemo in the next 2.5 weeks but that she would allow me to go the fertility route as my cancer was confined. I know for some of my family members the way the oncologist spoke was daunting and they didn't really take to her but I was the opposite. She didn't sugar coat anything, she gave me all the information that I needed and sent me on my way.

I didn't start Chemotherapy for 5 weeks after diagnosis due to my choice to look after the fertility side of things. I'm not going to talk about that now because I think it deserves a post to itself as it is the hardest thing for me and I'm sure many other young women to come to terms with when diagnosed with cancer.

So what did I spend those 5 weeks doing?
I spent that time trying to come to terms with what had just been thrown at me. I read a lot and educated myself about Triple Negative Breast Cancer and the treatments I would be having shortly. I also looked into the options I had for when my hair fell out, I bought a wig and a bazillion hats in preparation!  I found this time really strange because I felt pretty good yet I wasn't in work and my normal daily routine had disappeared but I tried my best to enjoy this time as much as possible by doing things I enjoyed and seeing/spending time with my friends and family.

Within a few days of seeing the Oncologist I was starting my fertility treatment which included a lot of appointments and helped to keep my mind busy and focused on something.

I think in general, people were quite surprised by my coping mechanisms during this time. I very quickly took on a stance of positivity surrounding the situation and although I had bad days, generally I coped very well. I coped so well in fact I asked to be referred to a Psycho-Oncologist to ensure I was actually coping and not just in complete denial! I was worried that everything would hit me all of a sudden and I would breakdown but I was assured this wasn't the case and that I have just chosen a positive stance on having cancer.

My feelings surrounding being ill are that the important things in my life have been put into perspective for me and I am hopeful that when treatment ends I won't be the same person. I will be a stronger, more positive person who embraces life and doesn't stress the small stuff anymore - at least I hope!

On a completely different note, I just want to wish everybody a Happy New Year! I have to say I am happy to see the back of 2017 but I also have to take note that a lot of great things happened in 2017 too! I had an amazing holiday in Croatia, I finished and graduated from a 3 year degree, I moved in with and celebrated a 2 year anniversary with my favourite person in the world and my brother got engaged to his lovely girlfriend. So 2017 wasn't all bad but I am really looking forward to seeing what 2018 has in store for me and being able to say (hopefully) later this year that I'm cancer free!