Post-Diagnosis Pre-Treatment Limbo

When diagnosed with cancer, there is an expectation that everything is going to move very fast and in my head I presumed I would be starting treatment within a week or so. At the moment the HIQA guidelines for commencing treatment post diagnosis is four weeks and this seems to be the norm whether in the public or private hospital.

When I was diagnosed, the news was given to me by a Breast Surgeon. Due to the type of cancer I have my treatment would begin with Chemotherapy - neoadjuvant treatment. The reason for this, in my case, was due to the size of the tumour and the hope that having Chemotherapy first would shrink the tumour and make surgery less invasive. Therefore, I was immediately referred on to an Oncologist and I had an appointment for my first meeting with my Oncologist about 1.5 weeks after diagnosis.

The time just after diagnosis was a strange time for me, one moment I would be fine and another moment I'd break down into tears. Having to break the news to people was also extremely difficult as many people didn't even know I had a lump in the first place and suddenly now I had cancer! There was a lot of whispering in other rooms going on and quiet phone calls. One of the things I was shocked by was how quickly the news actually spread, especially around work and then the support which came from this, which was quite overwhelming. I didn't feel sick but I was receiving messages, cards and mass cards from people concerned about me and wishing me well with this journey. Obviously, I'm not complaining about this but it started to put things in perspective for me and it showed me the incredible amount of support I had from the people in my life.

My first meeting with my Oncologist was a big eye opener. For the previous week and a half I had been under the illusion that I would most likely have 8 sessions of Chemo over a 4 month period. When I met her she drew an outline of my treatment for me which included 16 Chemo sessions - 12 weekly session of TC  and 4 forth-nightly sessions of AC. She then went on to list the side effects I was most likely to expect; nausea, weight changes, neuropathy, infection, hair loss and issues with fertility. I'm sure she mentioned more but these were the ones that stuck with me.

Issues with fertility was my biggest concern and I knew that there was an option for oncology patients to have fertility treatments before starting Chemo. I asked the oncologist about this and she basically said she would have preferred if I had finished having children and could start Chemo in the next 2.5 weeks but that she would allow me to go the fertility route as my cancer was confined. I know for some of my family members the way the oncologist spoke was daunting and they didn't really take to her but I was the opposite. She didn't sugar coat anything, she gave me all the information that I needed and sent me on my way.

I didn't start Chemotherapy for 5 weeks after diagnosis due to my choice to look after the fertility side of things. I'm not going to talk about that now because I think it deserves a post to itself as it is the hardest thing for me and I'm sure many other young women to come to terms with when diagnosed with cancer.

So what did I spend those 5 weeks doing?
I spent that time trying to come to terms with what had just been thrown at me. I read a lot and educated myself about Triple Negative Breast Cancer and the treatments I would be having shortly. I also looked into the options I had for when my hair fell out, I bought a wig and a bazillion hats in preparation!  I found this time really strange because I felt pretty good yet I wasn't in work and my normal daily routine had disappeared but I tried my best to enjoy this time as much as possible by doing things I enjoyed and seeing/spending time with my friends and family.

Within a few days of seeing the Oncologist I was starting my fertility treatment which included a lot of appointments and helped to keep my mind busy and focused on something.

I think in general, people were quite surprised by my coping mechanisms during this time. I very quickly took on a stance of positivity surrounding the situation and although I had bad days, generally I coped very well. I coped so well in fact I asked to be referred to a Psycho-Oncologist to ensure I was actually coping and not just in complete denial! I was worried that everything would hit me all of a sudden and I would breakdown but I was assured this wasn't the case and that I have just chosen a positive stance on having cancer.

My feelings surrounding being ill are that the important things in my life have been put into perspective for me and I am hopeful that when treatment ends I won't be the same person. I will be a stronger, more positive person who embraces life and doesn't stress the small stuff anymore - at least I hope!

On a completely different note, I just want to wish everybody a Happy New Year! I have to say I am happy to see the back of 2017 but I also have to take note that a lot of great things happened in 2017 too! I had an amazing holiday in Croatia, I finished and graduated from a 3 year degree, I moved in with and celebrated a 2 year anniversary with my favourite person in the world and my brother got engaged to his lovely girlfriend. So 2017 wasn't all bad but I am really looking forward to seeing what 2018 has in store for me and being able to say (hopefully) later this year that I'm cancer free!