So I am FINALLY finished 5 months of chemo, which is the most amazing feeling. I was eager initially to start chemo because I felt like I was in a limbo between being diagnosed and waiting for chemo to start. As time goes on, chemo just becomes more and more frustrating and more and more like your life is further away from you! My last chemo session was on 5th March, I basically sat and cried through the majority of the infusion because I just couldn't believe that this was the last time (hopefully ever) that I would have to have this poison pumped into my body. That was a huge sense of relief! I became most emotional when my oncologist came to do rounds and I burst into tears, she is not the warmest of people but I got a hug from her that day and all of the oncology nurses who have treated me over the past 5 months. I genuinely will forever be grateful to my oncology team, not just for pumping me full of the poison that has shrunk my tumour away to almost nothing but because they gave me amazing care, physically and emotionally. I always admire nurses, mainly because I struggled so much with Nursing that anybody who survives in nursing seems super human to me, but Oncology nurses are really something else all together.
Chemo was the first part of treatment and although I am definitely relieved that I have finished that part, there is still a fair bit to come and still at least another 6 months of treatment and recovery so it does feel a bit like an oncoming train!
On the 26th February, I had an appointment with my Breast Surgeon. This is the women who initially told me I had a benign cyst and 5 weeks later gave me the news that no, I actually had cancer! It was a little bit strange seeing her again but regardless of what has happened in the past I actually really like her and have confidence in her work. She gave me the results of my MRI scan, which shows that there is a significant decrease in the size of the tumour and after examining me she said 'I had a fantastic response to chemo!' I would have loved to be told that the tumour was completely gone because I can no longer feel a lump at all but there is a possibility that what is seen as being left there is dead cells or scar tissue. It's impossible for them to tell if all of the cancer is gone until the tumour has been removed and sent off to Pathology for examination. There is a possibility that if there is some cancer left that I will need to take some oral chemotherapy tablets down the line but hopefully this won't be the case.
The purpose of the meeting with the Breast Surgeon was to start making plans towards surgery. I had been discussed at the multi-disciplinary meeting which would have included input from my Oncologist, all of the breast surgeons who work in the hospital and radiation oncologists. The advice from the multi-disciplinary meeting is that I should have a Mastectomy rather than a Lumpectomy due to the large size of the tumour at diagnosis. I nearly fell off my chair when she mentioned the large size of the tumour at diagnosis because ultimately that is somewhat her fault due to misdiagnosing me. I will also be having a small surgery on the 26th March - Sentinel Node Biopsy. This surgery involves injecting radioactive dye into the tumour which will then travel to the lymph nodes. The first part of this procedure will involve X-Ray monitoring of which Lymph Nodes the dye is travelling to and then being brought to surgery to have the first 4 lymph nodes which the dye travelled to removed. The purpose of this is to make absolutely sure that there is no cancer in the lymph nodes. If cancer is found in the lymph nodes then I will have to have all the lymph nodes removed from the left hand side. She then went on to talk about reconstruction options and I have a meeting with a Plastic Surgeon this Friday to talk about that.
When I was initially diagnosed, I was told that if I needed a Mastectomy that I probably wouldn't need Radiation but it is now being recommended to me that I do have Radiation due to..you guessed it..the large size of the tumour at diagnosis. So two things I definitely felt after this meeting were that due to the number of people who felt 'I was too young to have Breast Cancer' I will now lose my entire breast instead of just a part of it and I will have to have Radiation which I most likely would have been able to avoid if diagnosed sooner.
Since very soon after diagnosis my feeling towards surgery has been to have a Bilateral Mastectomy and Reconstruction for a number of reasons but the main one being I want piece of mind that this won't happen again, I know that the cancer can still return to the chest wall, lymph nodes or organs but I still feel removing both breasts has to give you a better chance to avoid recurrence. I spoke to my Oncologist about this and this is what she said - due to the fact I do not have any of the 3 genes I was tested for, they take it as I do not have a genetic mutation (there is still a possibility I do have one that either hasn't been tested for/discovered yet). Therefore the likelihood of a recurrence of cancer is 0.5-1% per year. So having a Bilateral Mastectomy would lower my chance of recurrence by 0.5-1% per year, which doesn't seem like a lot until you look at it like this - if I am lucky enough to live another 50 years, having this surgery will lower my likelihood of a recurrence of Breast Cancer by 25-50% over a 50 year period. I mentioned that this is what I wanted to my Breast Surgeon and she was apprehensive, she said she would be willing to do a preventative Mastectomy in a years time when I am in better health but that at the moment their recommendation would be to do the least amount of surgery needed so that I can have Radiation as soon as possible because obviously more surgery means more healing time and more likelihood of complications. I am anxious to leave it a year to have the healthy breast removed as a lot can happen in a year and with Triple Negative Breast Cancer there is no after care like hormone/protein positive cancers. I would rather not spend a year terrified that the cancer has returned. So I will be having a meeting with the Plastic Surgeon this Friday and then another meeting with the Breast Surgeon and then a decision will be made on what kind of surgery I will have.
What else is happening?
- I am feeling my energy improve everyday since finishing up chemo which is such a great feeling so I am trying to get out a bit more for walks and push myself a bit more during the day.
- I have a tiny bit of hair growing on the top of my head but the sides are a bit dodgy looking! I spoke to the hairdresser who shaved my head and she told me not to shave it again for the moment, to let it grow and have it trimmed when I can hold it between my fingertips. I also went to visit my own hairdresser in Peter Marks, the wonderful Maria and she has given me Nioxin to use to encourage hair growth. I haven't started using it yet as I'm not sure it would have any affect at the moment but I will start using it very soon! I am also going to look into a good supplement for my Hair, Skin and Nails.
- I went to see a Dietitian a few weeks ago because I have been reading a lot about Diet and Cancer. What I have come across recommends a Whole Food Plant Based Diet which is essentially either vegan or very low amounts of meat, dairy and processed foods. At the moment I am starting to implement this, I have reduced dairy and meat hugely and I am trying to make as much homemade meals as possible from scratch. I don't know if in the future I will decide to become completely Vegan but at the moment I am still eating meat and dairy from time to time.
- My eyelashes and eyebrows have fallen out/thinned hugely and possibly will continue to do this for the next few weeks. I have ordered some Organic Castor Oil and am going to start using this on them to encourage growth. Losing your hair is one thing, you can put a hat or wig on and although its hard you get used to it. Losing your hair, eyelashes and eyebrows just makes you feel a bit crap! There's lots of people who go through chemo, lose all of their hair and can mask it with make up and still look great, I am just not one of these people! I generally wear very little make up unless I'm going out and now with the tiredness/hot flushes I pretty much never wear it so I'm fairly bare looking.
- I had my last Zoladex implant inserted on the 5th March. This is the implant which has put me into temporary menopause throughout chemo. So it is a waiting game now to see if my fertility will return - fingers and toes crossed.
- That's all I can think of at the moment! Things are going well, I'm perking up and ready for the next part of treatment to begin. It's a little bit like being in limbo again, finishing chemo and waiting for surgery but I am just trying to enjoy this time as much as possible because I will have to rest up again after surgery!
